last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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