Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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