At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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