Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
