So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
