this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
