Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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