Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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