yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
