he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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