So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize