I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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