You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
