GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
