Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
