you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
