if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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