We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
