my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
