I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
