i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
