I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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