I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
