Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
