Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
