I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
