i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
