Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
