school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
