Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
