then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
