so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
