also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize