Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
