Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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