I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
