Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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