I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
