he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
