then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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