I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
