This is not my ceiling
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
