Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
