I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
