Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
