We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
