no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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