Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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