Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I need to stop coming to work sober
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
