did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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