Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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