I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
organizing the empties. That sober.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
