I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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