just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
