I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
