Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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