It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize