My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
