Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
