We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
