He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
