So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize