I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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